Virus Of My Heart
by Rabidus
Summary: Another Romance fic i've written. A letter is written one of pure emotions.//You are slowly killing me with your cold words and your emotionless tone. You are a demon of my mind, a shadow that I see at every corner of every street.//R


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this story and I receive no profit for this story. So no suing or else I'll go to a new level of insanity and I will be an even weirder girl than I am now. 

Hello all I need to stop with these fluffy and sappy fics, but I just can't. Oh well they may find hope for me…somewhere out there amongst the stars. Anyway as always enjoy.

Virus Of My Heart

                                                                By The Pretty Penwriter

      Relena Darlain was near tears for the fifth day that week as she shuffled into her room and sat at her desk. Her briefcase lay abandoned on the floor papers spilling out. She stared at nothing in particular, just in a slight daze, her large violet orbs held nothing but sorrow and torment. But a pain that no one knew, she had made sure that no one knew of her troubles. She worried about the world and she didn't want anyone worrying about her. Her sorrows and her regrets were her own business, her life was her own to mold she didn't need there to be any interference. She snapped out of her trance and her eyes traveled to her balcony, she couldn't help herself as a smile tugged at her lips when she remembered her teen years. Her teen years of knowing that mysterious soldier who watched her from her balcony, she knew when he was there but never let onto her knowledge. Her eyebrows scrunched together as she tried to think of a reason why he always watched her, she abolished the thought that he loved her. Heero Yuy loved no one, not even himself. Her heart screamed out and tears leapt to her eyes at the thought of him. Her emotions waged a war inside of her and she felt like she was about to burst. Her eyes spotted the notepad and pen on her desk, and so she began to write what was in her heart.

Dear Heero,

You are a virus of my heart, a plague, a disease something that feeds off of me. You are slowly killing me with your cold words and your emotionless tone. You are a demon of my mind, a shadow that I see at every corner of every street. No matter how hard I try you are there; watching, waiting. I do not see any type of reconciliation or solution to my problem. Because you will always be there watching me, killing me. No matter how hard I try I cannot get you out of my mind, no matter how many times that I cry you don't want to hold me. Why? I ask but you never answer; if I screamed then would you care? If one day I chose to run off down a street and never return would it matter to you? What are the steps that I have to take to get you to acknowledge me, to get you to love me? 

So many times I've tried to break through that cold and emotionless shell but with no avail. You still turn me away like I'm an enemy that you see as too weak. You think I am strong but I am not that at all without you there, why don't you see are you blind to my emotions? For six years I have known you, loved you and still silence is my response. Many times I have admitted it to you and yet you turn me away. I offer you my open arms, and my heart but still you reject me, still you refuse me. What are the steps that I must take? Do you not understand the feelings that beat in my heart, the feelings that I can never let go of no matter how hard I try? Can you not see that every time that I try and you reject me I die a little? 

My heart grows weaker every passing day of me seeing you and never being with you. Yes you are there by my side, but not in the way I want. You are seeded into my soul and it is these feelings that won't depart. Some days I feel like you and I were meant to be but then you push me further away, until one day you'll push me off the edge; and I will fall. I will fall into a bottomless pit of depression and sorrow, of self-pity and self-loathing.  

Why is it that every time I try and push pass you to move on with my life something reaches out and pulls me back. I know that it is impossible for you and I to be meant to be because you hold no emotion for me. I want to remove you from my sights, to remove you from my life; sadly that seems to be my only cure. I look into those prussian blue eyes and see nothing but ice and flame nothing there is meant for me. Try as I might, no matter how many tears I shed, how much pain I go through just at the sight of you, there's no way that I can make you mine. I wish I could just forget about everything, forget about my life my torments and frustrations and you. But sadly it can't be done, always you will be there and my life will be there, just like a shadow, never disappearing. 

I want to try and live without you, but every time I get that thought my throat tightens until I feel like the life is being strangled out of me, and my eyes water but no tears dare to fall. Every aspect of dealing with you leads me to a brick wall, a wall that can't be broken through. Soon the walls surround me in a room and no matter how I hit the walls or scream at them; they won't let me through. The truth appears to me that I'll never get through to you, that I'll never be through with you, that forever you will be there haunting me. Haunting my life and haunting my dreams, throwing me into my own personal hell, that burns the life out of my soul. 

My soul wants me to be free, it wants to be free of the fiery chains and rooms of this hell, but it is not released. My soul is not released because my heart won't let you go, my mind wants to be rid of you, but the heart is in control. Oh my woes and my sorrow are all centered exactly around you. I want to be rid of you, I laugh at my heart for it is too foolish to let go of what will never be. My heart is an organ that I want to do without, but then I'd be no better than you someone nay something that is cold and emotionless. Something that doesn't care about anything including itself, I'm sure that you wouldn't mind if I would forever leave your life and neither would I, but it is my heart that won't let go. I wish at times I could detach my heart and just follow my mind, and think logically when I'm near you. It doesn't seem to work out that way, I'm afraid; it doesn't seem to want to give up on you although I know that it is useless. I want to be rid of you I want the cure, but I just can't seem to do that. 

I'll stop saying that I wish for this or that and start saying that I want. I want to know the truth so it will finally free my soul. I've asked you time and again, but this time will be the last. I want to know, a yes or no answer if you love me or not. If the answer is no, you will no longer be in my company but employed elsewhere and I shall never ask again, if the answer is yes then we can be together. I just want the truth can you at least give me that satisfaction, I'm pouring my heart into this letter and I want to know if it shall remain empty or full.

                                                                                    Sincerely,

                                                                                                Relena Darlain

      After writing the letter, her weariness overtook her and she fell asleep, her head resting on her arms. Heero Yuy snuck into the room with the stealth of a cat, and shook his head gently, his large chocolate brown locks swaying into and out of his prussian blue eyes. A smile crawled to his lips as he watched his sleeping beauty; he picked her up from her uncomfortable position in the chair and gently laid her in her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. He turned to leave out of the room when he saw that she still had her desk lamp on, he reached over to turn it off and spotted his name on a piece of paper. Curiosity overcame him as he picked up the paper and read. 

      The paper shook in his hand and he released it, the letter slowly fluttered to the floor. He wiped his left eye where a lone tear had fallen, was this the way that Relena really felt. But he could not blame her for feeling this way, he had never shown her how he felt and it was stupid of him. He looked to her sleeping form and then back to the paper that had fallen to the floor. Slowly he reached for a pen and used a new sheet of paper on her note pad, he scrawled something down and then kissed his princess on the forehead. He slinked out of the room like a shadow, as if he had never been there.

      Relena awoke that morning puzzled _why am I in bed; I could have sworn I had fallen asleep at my desk _she thought but shrugged it off. Slowly she got out of bed still dressed in yesterdays clothing. She was about to turn and go into the bathroom to shower and change, when she spotted a piece of paper on the floor. She went over and picked it up; she found that it was the letter she had written to Heero last night. Carefully as if the paper were as fragile as a flower she placed it back onto the desk and gasped when she saw on her note pad in big bold letters:

**      Yes, forever ** 

                        Heero

The End

Okay come on people you read the letter…you can figure it out from here right? Hmm let's see how I got the idea for this one, lets just say I was hit by it; yeah you got that right. I was just watching TV when this hit me, it was no show in particular; in fact I can't even remember what show it was.


End file.
